I had been struggling for the better part of 5 years to find a sense of peace when left alone with nothing other than my own company. Growing up I had always been well liked by others, I rarely struggled to fit in with a crowd, I was what i like to refer to myself as a social chameleon.
On the surface I appeared, for the most part, to have everything I could have wanted in life. Looking back through my posts on social media, chances are you would be just as fooled as everyone else. I had friends, I was young, attractive, what I would like to think well traveled, and I managed to exude a confidence that many people struggle to find for most of their adult life.
As a child I was described as a fierce, willful, old soul. I don’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t march to the beat of my own drum. Later, I would find that a solitary road, is often a lonely one. I grew older and with age, my trust in others faded rapidly. I was a pessimist if nothing more on my very best days, and on my worst I had zero will to live, zero interest in what the world had to offer, and wondered what it was I was even doing on this planet. I hadn’t signed up for this, and I did not want it.
Looking back on it now, with the help of quite literally hundreds of what some would call self help books, dream journals, tarot readings, meditation, crystal collecting, and soul searching… I have come to terms with one single realization; Everything Is One. The sum of my best days, my worst days, the days where I could barely pull myself out of bed, and the days where I did nothing but dance; All equal the sum of ONE.
I no longer felt it necessary to hide from my own shadow. I accepted that the darkness within me would never leave my side, my heart, or my existence. I no longer wanted to deny any parts of the sum of the only one thing that would ever truly be mine.
“For there may be no light without darkness. No space for beauty in the illumination of the soul to exist; without first reaching the darkest corners. Within that darkness, we find the hope for the light. We are the sum of one.”
– C. Wild